EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

Life is full surprises and I strongly believe it is. Mine has been into a fun kinda painful roller coaster ride but of course, the One and Only God reminds and let me feel that "everything's gonna be alright".

A special person whom I just met passed away, my parents are sick, bills, payments left and right. Why all of a sudden? How can I handle all these? 

Every time I have time I talk top Him, to Them, am I cursed? In  a single year, I got miscarriage twice in a row. That isn't fair. But still I stood up, and I fixed myself to wake another day. Maybe it wasn't our time yet, but everything's not right or maybe this is how He planned for me.

As a simple human being, I don't have the right to judge or even complain because this life isn't mine. It's something borrowed that in the end, I myself don't know when I'm gonna rest. Sometimes I wanted it to be soon, as its very tiring for me to handle the everyday worries that I have but there's a lot of reason for me to hold on, to hang on in every moment.

Usually the weapons that I have are crying and praying. They let me feel better in a little way. At least I can let go of the pain through talking to Him, crying by myself as I learn to keep my problems with me all the time. I may smile as you all can see, shop, eat and even cook but to be honest those are just diversions. Diversions for me to forget bullshits in life and live as a human for awhile. They thought I'm fine, but right now I am not okay still. I think I haven't fully moved on. Its just I feel alone all the time, no one understands me, only a few stays with me. I only have few happy memories in my life that gives me real smile. Why does life offer me this kind of experience? 

And one day I encountered CARPE DIEM, 2 short meaningful words but its as if they reminded me that these worries are there for me to let them feel, I can beat them. I have to live and love like there's no tomorrow. It may not be as easy as 1-2-3 but I know I can. I will try to be okay, but I hope somehow someday I can have my angels back. My angels are my strength, the one that made me feel real happiness but then God has  a different destiny for us. Yes, I miss my babies everyday. I may not fully ready to be a mother, but I know I loved them from the time I knew they're with me until they decided to stay in heaven.

Tomorrow is unpredictable, it may be happy nor the other way around but who cares, in the end; everything's gonna be alright.

Menchie Chan

10/30/2014